It seems odd to me that the warmbloods haven’t been too inventive with their wanton murder of we zeds. Head-shots and fire; Explosions and guns. I mean, ever since I woke up I’ve been thinking far more laterally than I ever did in my former life, but I would still have assumed a little more creativity. We shouldn't complain, though, as it works for us so let’s let them keep at it! A fairly destructive and also favoured tactic for dealing with a large group of us is fire, So here are some easy tips and tricks to avoid yourself being set alight, or how to minimise any sustained fire damage.
Think back to your former 'life' and remember the camel packs that sportsmen, hikers, rock-climbers and soldiers wore. These are PERFECT for wearing under clothes (and can be strapped on if you happen to be missing a limb) as they can be easily punctured to release their payload. A dousing of water or other non flammable liquid will quickly extinguish most flames, and the handy drink tube can be easily used on other. Why not try filling them with an expanding foam (make sure it doesn’t have a flammable propellant!) so that a little bit can go a long way (This of course is only to be used in extreme high danger areas. As much as they probably won’t, we don’t want to make them question if we are indeed thinking) I hear these are the basis for a few products currently in research and development for the ZedArmy - make sure you pay attention to the regular updates about these devices. If worst comes to worse, hide a drink bottle in your armpit (or in any open cavity you might have that hasn’t yet been patched yet) for easy dispersal. Try not to let them see you carry these, though – as with all of these techniques we need to remain undetected. The backpack drinking vestibules can be easily worn with torn up army clothes so as to not appear out of place if unable to hide any other way.
Although it can be hard to come by, if you find any pyrotechnic gel, mix it in with your makeup if you’re one of the zeds out there moving amongst them. This will give the advantage of translucence and lighten the tone if your skin is REALLY greying, but also helps to prevent from damage caused by quick fires, such as explosions or a blast of propellant-based fire to the face. These attacks have been known to render a blender useless - Once your face is gone or damaged it’s incredibly hard to fit in, so we need all the well-preserved faces to remain unscathed. You might not think it too important, but your looks will serve to protect you (and indeed future generations) in the long run.
Keep yourself moisturised. I know, it sounds trivial and akin to the meandering thoughts of a warm blood, but during bouts of intense heat your skin and muscles can dry out a lot. If you're going for the 'mummification' preservation method this is still something you want to try to avoid. We’ve all heard stories of zeds who’ve burnt away to nothing by not remaining vigilant! Even the sun is something you need to pay close attention to in regards to burning/drying out. Mummification can work but you need to go slow, steady, and controlled as opposed to letting yourself be damaged by quick heat. The more layers of protection you give your skin the better, so even if you’re not absorbing the moisture the extra defence helps with drying out. Try to avoid oil-based creams and oils as these will help you to 'cook' under extreme heat. Intelligent animals like pigs are a great source of inspiration – if you have some nice thick mud available and are not a blender, smear it around your body and cover any available surface area that may be exposed. Great protection from heat and sun and will just simply cake off when it’s done it’s job. Does make it harder to notice if you’re oozing at times, so make sure you’re inspecting yourself regularly. (See article: Self Inspection! Keeping it together)
Vigilance is important, zeds. Make sure you’re as aware of yourself as you can be. Not being able to feel when things are on fire or caught on a burning piece of debris is one of our biggest causes of injury. I've personally seen zeds lose limbs because they haven't noticed something burning, hacking, cutting or gnawing at a part of themselves. Knowing what’s going on around you is of utter importance. Without the smell of smoke we need to teach ourselves the warning signs; heat haze, smoke direction and dissipation, etc. An old smoke alarm can be rigged into your ear to cause a small, sharp sound at the detection of smoke or heat, and there are plenty of these detectors around. Be sure to keep up with the latest gadgets, as more are in development all the time!
It might seem simple and like it shouldn’t need to be said.. but my zombie brothers and sisters, I beg, PLEASE remember – if in doubt, put it out! If you don’t think your defense is going to hold up to the rigors of a good ol’ fashioned burning, don’t test it! Remember YOU are the most important asset in our war. If you’re going to make children (should be a matter of when and not if!) then we need to keep you nimble, agile and as well-preserved as possible. It’s all well and good to be a torso who teaches and spreads knowledge, but every bite matters. If you lose your jaw to a can of deodorant exploding in your face it’s not going to be easy scratching away at someone’s arm praying your incisors are sharp enough to break skin.
These are just a few short tips on how to contain the flame. Next time: Your Teeth & Your Children: Why Dental Hygiene is Important.